On Thursday we left for Gulu. I had a lot of anticipation coming into this trip. Since the work I have put in with Invisible Children has all been geared towards the conflict in Northern Uganda I have wanted to visit Gulu. I had an idea of what I thought it would look like but I did not know what an actual displacement camp would look like. It was a very long trip to Gulu. It was about over 6 hours then another hour to arrive at the displacement camp. The camp was located right off the road. There were many huts that were very close together. There was no fence, no guards, no protection. From my knowledge the situation was gradually getting better. I read that the people were moving out of the camps and going back “home.” I had not seen the camps in the past years but I was shocked by the camps. I of course wanted to see healthy, hopeful families but I saw desperation. I felt helpless. I came to see the camps but I did not come with a way to help. We had no project to do, which I think was a part of the trip being poorly planned. In this situation, I was a white person who brought hope to these people but I let them down. I listened when they talked and exchanged smiles but that does not change anything. Unfortunately, I do not have the power to change everything. The conflict and the situation is so complicated and needs so much help that it will take a lot of time and effort to fix. I just want to be able to fix it right away but that is not possible. I find this very frustrating but I know I must still fight for these people and help in all of the ways possible so that over time and through the combination of efforts change will happen. It is really difficult to stay positive after seeing the lives of these people. They are beyond terrible yet they can still smile and display happiness. I cannot explain how torn it makes me feel that I have this life where I have everything I need and more but these people have not even enough to survive but money or material things cannot fix their problems. I just wish there was an easy answer.
After visiting the displacement camps we visited child mothers. Child mothers’ are women who were forced to live with the rebel army to be sex slaves to the generals. These are the women who became pregnant by these generals. Most of these women are in their teens. Their innocence was completely taken away from them. It is unfair and sick yet their lives are ultimately changed by a decision they did not have control over. I felt like a spectator because all I did was look and listen. Again I did not contribute to a bigger cause. Actually not even that we did not better anyone’s life except we gave away clothing and hygiene items. At least when I was in Namyoya I was contributing to the pastor’s house being built but here it was just me seeing the situation. It is important to be knowledgeable and just simply aware of what is happening in Northern Uganda but we spent over 6 hours to just to observe? I will say it again; we needed to have a project or some way of contributing…
For me this trip was not about me but I wanted to help in any way possible to better others’ lives. I was so excited to go to Gulu and it definitely hit me hard but what is even harder is that I do not know what to do with all of my thoughts and feelings. It was hard to just leave Gulu knowing I was going to stay at nice hotel and go on a safari. I feel guilty but mostly unworthy. I am not worthy of everything I have and I know it but what can I do about it?
I did connect with children though. Like I have said, smiles transcend but in Gulu I went to tickle a child and he started to run away. I chased after him then I tried to tickle his friends and they ran away too. Without any language we were basically playing a game of tag. To me that is beautiful.
I found beauty in the small, amazing things.
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